Infertility?

Infertility seems to be little talked about. It is personal and sensitive. You don't know what to say. What if they cry? You hear about others who had a hard time getting pregnant, but you never expect it could someday be you or someone you love. 

I was never one of those girls who would have dreams of being pregnant, nor was I dying to hold every baby around. I have a healthy respect for parenthood and have been around enough to know it's not all peaches and cream. Yet somehow I've always known I wanted to have at least 3-4 children, and when AJ and I got married it was something we definitely agreed on. 

After enjoying marriage with just the two of us for a couple years, we decided it was time. It was a scary thing to stop preventing, but after much prayer and reading, we had peace about the decision. First month went by, negative. Second, third, fourth... Every month that went by put a stronger desire in our hearts for children. When tested towards the end of that first year, nothing major showed up on the tests, just a couple "minor" issues. 

About six months into our journey of trying to conceive, I was really praying that God would somehow let me know if we would never bare our own children so I could grieve and move on with life. Right after that prayer I picked up where I was reading in Psalms and read in Psalm 128:3, 6 "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table... Yes, may you see your children's children..." I was encouraged. 

But the months kept slowly going by. More negative pregnancy tests, periods, and tears. Somehow God kept leading me to the right Bible promises just when most needed. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord..." Psalm 130:5, 6 "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning". Ps. 30:5 

After a year and a half and what seemed like an eternity, we finally had a positive pregnancy test! I had to take three tests to actually believe it was true. Were we really finally pregnant? We were thrilled. AJ was gone on a short trip when we found out, and while he was still gone, we learned that I was having a miscarriage. We were encouraged to think that it was possible for us to get pregnant, yet at the same time completely heartbroken. 

Here we are, nearly two years from when we began trying to conceive. We are still waiting for God's timing. Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth name just a few of the women in the Bible who had to wait a long time for children. It will be well worth our wait if we can have children like theirs--Isaac, Samuel, & John who turned the world upside down for God. 

I know there are so many others out there going through their own challenges, whether infertility, miscarriages, or something completely unrelated. God keeps reminding me, all things truly do work together for good. One day we will look back and it will all make sense. We wouldn't choose things to be different if we could see the end from the beginning. This is learning to walk by faith, NOT by sight. 

I guess I personally don't talk to a ton of people face to face about this because I typically get emotional and that can get awkward for them. I'm not going to get upset if someone doesn't know exactly what to say. You can share your suggestions, although we've probably already tried it! 😉 I am so thankful for a supportive husband, family, and friends. And thank you in advance for your prayers. For those out there going through a similar journey, know that you're not alone. First and foremost, Jesus is with you. Lastly, there are more of us going through it with you than you could have guessed. 😌