Monday, October 4, 2021

Infertility?

Infertility seems to be little talked about. It is personal and sensitive. You don't know what to say. What if they cry? You hear about others who had a hard time getting pregnant, but you never expect it could someday be you or someone you love. 

I was never one of those girls who would have dreams of being pregnant, nor was I dying to hold every baby around. I have a healthy respect for parenthood and have been around enough to know it's not all peaches and cream. Yet somehow I've always known I wanted to have at least 3-4 children, and when AJ and I got married it was something we definitely agreed on. 

After enjoying marriage with just the two of us for a couple years, we decided it was time. It was a scary thing to stop preventing, but after much prayer and reading, we had peace about the decision. First month went by, negative. Second, third, fourth... Every month that went by put a stronger desire in our hearts for children. When tested towards the end of that first year, nothing major showed up on the tests, just a couple "minor" issues. 

About six months into our journey of trying to conceive, I was really praying that God would somehow let me know if we would never bare our own children so I could grieve and move on with life. Right after that prayer I picked up where I was reading in Psalms and read in Psalm 128:3, 6 "Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants all around your table... Yes, may you see your children's children..." I was encouraged. 

But the months kept slowly going by. More negative pregnancy tests, periods, and tears. Somehow God kept leading me to the right Bible promises just when most needed. "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word do I hope. My soul waits for the Lord..." Psalm 130:5, 6 "Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14 "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning". Ps. 30:5 

After a year and a half and what seemed like an eternity, we finally had a positive pregnancy test! I had to take three tests to actually believe it was true. Were we really finally pregnant? We were thrilled. AJ was gone on a short trip when we found out, and while he was still gone, we learned that I was having a miscarriage. We were encouraged to think that it was possible for us to get pregnant, yet at the same time completely heartbroken. 

Here we are, nearly two years from when we began trying to conceive. We are still waiting for God's timing. Sarah, Hannah, and Elizabeth name just a few of the women in the Bible who had to wait a long time for children. It will be well worth our wait if we can have children like theirs--Isaac, Samuel, & John who turned the world upside down for God. 

I know there are so many others out there going through their own challenges, whether infertility, miscarriages, or something completely unrelated. God keeps reminding me, all things truly do work together for good. One day we will look back and it will all make sense. We wouldn't choose things to be different if we could see the end from the beginning. This is learning to walk by faith, NOT by sight. 

I guess I personally don't talk to a ton of people face to face about this because I typically get emotional and that can get awkward for them. I'm not going to get upset if someone doesn't know exactly what to say. You can share your suggestions, although we've probably already tried it! 😉 I am so thankful for a supportive husband, family, and friends. And thank you in advance for your prayers. For those out there going through a similar journey, know that you're not alone. First and foremost, Jesus is with you. Lastly, there are more of us going through it with you than you could have guessed. 😌 



 






 

10 comments:

Lisa said...

Thank you for sharing so openly. We are praying for you all the time and we love you to pieces!
-Lis

Maya Dean said...

Wow Shama! Thanks for sharing. Be encouraged my friend. Hugs and prayers to you. I cannot wait to sit with you in person to just listen and be there for you.

Cheryl Kimball said...

Shama, I’ve been there. It’s painful and arduous and a journey for sure. Every period brought further depression and weight gain. Our first daughter is biological and our second is adopted however in addition to the infertility we also lost a baby through the adoption process after loving her for 5 weeks. Her birth mother took her back. Worse than heartbroken. Grief from the depths of my soul. We persisted and adopted 3 months after our loss and now have an amazing young woman who is passionate about her profession of a therapist helping adoptees and adoptive parents, indigenous and people of color. Hang tight. I don’t know what our lesson was except to lean on God. Hugs.

Unknown said...

First, I didn't read your story. All boy-like, I just misread the test and wrote a short not wishing you well with your child. But the nature of someone else's comment brought me to read and, uh oh, quickly delete my other comment. Heidi and I stopped preventing 14 years ago (and are in another bout of preventing for safety following surgery). Maybe you know about our last year, so I will just say, we understand. --Eugene (and Heidi)

Hope said...

Thanks for sharing Shama. Your trust in God and His word is a beautiful reminder that we can always turn to Him and find peace in the midst of confusion and unrest. Praying for you and AJ!

shama said...

Thank you so much, Maya! I appreciate you and your friendship.

shama said...

Thank you Lis, I really appreciate it!

shama said...

Wow, Cheryl! What a difficult journey you went through. Thanks so much for sharing with me.

shama said...

Oh Eugene & Heidi, thank you so much for your note. I can’t imagine how difficult this journey as been for you guys. I don’t know any details, just some of the basics and you have been in my thoughts and prayers. May God continue to strengthen you and give you peace and joy in Him. I’m praying that very soon you WILL be able to have a little one to hold in your arms. Much love and prayers. ❤️

shama said...

Thanks so much, Hope! We really appreciate your prayers and support.